How do we forgive and answer the thousands of questions and concerns that pop up when we even consider it? We live in a world of injustice, cover-ups, abuse, manipulation, and inequality. Isn’t Biblical forgiveness too simple a concept for our day?
Here’s what I’ve discovered. I’ve developed a simple acronym, “P-A-R-T-E-D” to help you begin to move on from your pain.
- Partner with a trusted person or team of people.
- Acknowledge your pain.
- Release your anger.
- Transfer your right to get even.
- Express Forgiveness.
- Declare Blessings.
Partner with a Person or Team of People
Healing takes purpose. If you’re going to heal, you need help and direction. One of the greatest functions of the Body of Christ is its ability to heal itself. Those who are hurting can find healing from healthy people within the Body. You need a team, a “one another” of people that can help you bear your burden. The deeper the pain, the more qualified the individuals may need to be that you choose. Holding the pain inside and not talking about it is a recipe for disaster. It is a wound of the soul that can become infected unless treated properly. In the case of minor offenses caused by a friend, I seek them out and work through reconciliation. In other minor cases, I process it with my wife or a close friend before releasing it to the Lord. Other more intense seasons of life have been processed with a prayer team from my church or another trusted ministry. Certainly therapy and counseling can also play a role in the healing process.
Acknowledge the Pain They Caused You
People who have been hurt in a life-altering way tend to talk about it until it’s been dealt with. R.T. Kendall says that you know a person hasn’t fully forgiven someone if they’re always bringing up how they were hurt. Once you’ve found someone to sit down with, it’s important to inventory the pain that the perpetrator has caused you. This is a principle found in Scripture. As you read through the Old Testament Law, you’ll discover dozens of instructions for how to deal with specific violations of the Law. While Jesus paid for all our sins on the Cross, the principle of accounting remains the same. It’s important for us to speak out about the ways we were hurt. Often when I am helping a client or church member, I jot down a list of categories. The day of my writing this chapter began with a two-hour Rapha Room with a lady in her 50s who was hurt years before by an unfaithful husband. With her help, I made a list of seven ways that this man’s actions hurt her. He made her feel abandoned, unsafe, unloved, unattractive, like a failure, shamed, and foolish. As I led her through a prayer of forgiveness, I made sure to have her mention each of these feelings to the Lord. The act of speaking them out, removed the power that these wounds have held over her all these years.
Release Your Anger
When someone hurts us, it is natural and common for us to harbor anger towards them for what they have done. This anger is like the gallon of milk that my kids leave out after pouring their cereal. It spoils fast. Spoiled anger is bitterness, a toxic emotion that opens us up to Satan’s strategies and suggestions. Often I’ll have the client close their eyes and imagine bringing a box containing all of their anger and rage related to the offender to the foot of the cross. In some cases, this erases all anger immediately. In others, it begins a process of release that leads to complete healing over time.
Transfer Your Right to Get Even
The Kingdom of God contains several rights and agreements. When someone offends us, we tend to emotionally grab on to vengeance and hold it closely in hopes of one day repaying them for the hurt they’ve caused us. The act of forgiveness brings us to the One who hung on a cross for us, carrying our shame and experiencing all of our pain on our behalf while also atoning for our sins and rejection that we directed at God. Many who suffer in constant emotional torment do so not just because of untreated wounds but because of unreleased anger. The release brings relief.
Express Forgiveness
While there aren’t any magic words in prayer, the words “Jesus, I forgive…” come pretty close. So many times in my life, a deep churning of anguish in my heart has totally disappeared with these simple words. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. We forgive someone to Jesus. His suffering for the pain of all mankind makes Him the Gatekeeper of relational and emotional healing. By going to Him and declaring forgiveness, we enter into His heart and find everything we need for healing and strength.
Declare Blessings
Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. (Luke 6:28, NLT)
When we treat everyone as an image-bearer of God, made as a part of His Divine plan, we enter into a deeper level of understanding with the Lord. Blessing people because they are God’s Creation, regardless of what they’ve done to us, reveals humility in us. It is perhaps the most Christ-like prayer we can pray. “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.”
One of the most life-changing steps in my prayer life began when I heard John Bevere preach on “The Bait of Satan.” In it, he challenged the listeners to pray for their enemies the way they would pray for themselves. As I’ve taken a list of my personal desires and prayed it over my
critics, I’ve felt the waves of Abba’s love wash over me in steadily increasing powerful measures.
“It’s Too Simple”
I get this a lot. Counselors, therapists, medical experts, and victim advocates each have their opinions and processes for what healing should look like. Each of those fields is important and I have great respect for the individuals who treat the hurting. My challenge for each hurting person is to look to Jesus and consider what He can do. The Kingdom of God is more amazing than many people in these fields give credit. A simple sinner’s prayer can make an eternal difference between Heaven and Hell, and a simple forgiveness prayer can transform a hurting soul into one filled with hope. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. Jesus is still healing the hurting through the power of forgiveness.
Prayer for Forgiveness
Jesus, I come to you in order to forgive _______________ for the ways they have hurt me. Their actions towards me have caused me to feel _______________________________________________________. I take all the anger and pain that they have caused me and give it to you, Jesus.
I release my right to get even with ______________ and to continually tell people about how they have wronged me.
I forgive _______________ completely with your help, Jesus, just as You have forgiven me.
I bless ________________ with all the blessings that I would want if I were them. Bless their relationships, their finances, and their health.
Jesus, thank you for your healing touch in my soul. Amen
(EXCERPT FROM “SPIRIT FORWARD” BY KEN SCHAAP, 2023, USED WITH PERMISSION)